Friday, June 27, 2014

SECOND MARRIAGE-A STORY THAT WILL MAKE YOU CRY(WACHENI WAUME ZENU WAOWE WAKE WENGINE MUSTIRI UMMAH MUSIWE MABAHILI WA WAUME ZENU)


Second Marriage – A Story That Will Make You Cry

by Sana -June 11, 2014

The words reverberated through my brain. Why..? Am I not 
good enough..? Never! I will never accept a second wife! If 
you want a second wife you can go out and get one as long 
as you know that I will not be here when you come back..!!!
Those were my words to my husband a few years ago when 
he mentioned to me that he is intending to marry again a 
second time. It was a woman recently divorced, 4 children. 
She is having a hard time, he said, she don’t know where 
the next meal is coming from or how to provide adequately 
for her children. “Where is their father..?” I asked, “Can’t he 
take care of his own kids..? Why do you a strange man 
have 
to carry another man’s burden..? Surely there are other 
ways 
that you can help her out financially without having to 
MARRY her!
I could not imagine myself in a plural marriage. Sharing my 
husband with another woman. Sharing his love, his smiles, 
his jokes with a woman other than myself. I could not 
fathom 
him holding her close and whispering loving words in her 
ears. It was unacceptable. An outrage. After all I have been 
to him. Wife, lover, mother, doctor, housekeeper. I raised 3 
of his beautiful children. How can he insult me by marrying 
another woman as if I am not good enough. Not pretty 
enough. Not young enough or just plain not ENOUGH.!!!
NO..!!! I could not accept that and I vehemently made my 
stance clear to him. If she walks in, I walk out! Plain and 
simple. If he is willing to risk our marriage, our life, our 
children for another woman, then he must go ahead. I will 
not stand for it!
It all seems so many years ago now. When I thought that 
life 
would last forever and that nothing will ever change. But it 
did..
My husband did not get married to a second wife. After all 
my warnings and threats of leaving he abandoned the 
idea. 
don’t know what happened to the women and children. My 
guess is that they moved on to another town.
He never mentioned a second wife again and I was happy 
with that. I managed to hang on to my husband but I didn’t 
know that our time was running out.His last words to me 
were that he had a headache and is 
going to lie down till Esha. He never read Esha namaaz that 
night, because he never woke up.
I was devastated by his sudden death. The man whom I 
have spent my life with, snatched away from me in a 
second. 
I mourned him for a long, long time.
Neglecting my children and the business. Soon all went to 
waste and we started losing everything one by one. First the 
car then the shop, then the house.
We moved in with my brother and his family. My 3 children 
and I crowded the house and my sister in law soon became 
annoyed by our presence. I needed to get out, to work and 
find a place of our own instead of living off the leftovers of 
others. But I had no skill.When my husband was alive we 
lived comfortably. I had no 
need to go out and work or or equip myself with a skill. Life 
was very difficult for me and my children and I wasn’t young 
anymore. I missed him everyday with every beat of my 
heart. 
How could ones condition change so drastically..?
One day my brother told me that someone he knew is 
looking for a wife. He was a good person, good akhlaq 
(manners) and very pious. Perfect for me, but he wants me 
to be his second wife.
It’s the second time in my life that the word second wife was 
mentioned to me. But how different the circumstances.
He came to my brothers house to see me. There was an 
immediate connection between us. I liked him and I liked 
everything about him. He told me that his first wife knows 
that he is intending to marry again but that she is obviously 
not supportive of the idea and that he doesn’t know what 
her 
reaction will be when he tells her that he had found 
someone. His answer he said, will be dependent on her 
acceptance of Polygamy.
I started reading Istikhara that night. I so desperately 
wanted 
it to work out. I remembered so many years ago when the 
life of another woman depended on my decision and what 
my decision was. I felt contrite, I felt that because I did not 

give another woman a chance, a space in my life, that Allah 
will punish me this time around. I repented, not once in my 
life did I think my action worthy of repentance because I had 
done nothing wrong. I only protected what was mine.
Now that I am on the receiving end, I realized how wrong I 
was in denying another woman this PRIVILEGE of a 
husband.
I prayed that she will accept me.
He phoned me a few days later telling me that his wife is 
having a hard time accepting it but that she is willing to 
meet 
me.
I was nervous the day of the meeting. I prayed a lot the day 
before and asked Allah to help me. When I met her, she 
was 
a person, a woman like me . A woman who loves her 
husband and fears losing him.
She took my hand and with tears in her eyes said: ” This is 
very hard for me, but I hope that we can be sisters”..
Her words broke my heart. All I needed in these dark days 
was a hand reaching out to me and embracing me, giving 
me hope and the will to carry on.
His wife was to me, the woman that I could not be and I will 
be forever grateful for that. I thought that no one could love 
her husband the way I loved mine, but she taught me the 
true meaning of unconditional love.

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