Second Marriage – A Story That Will Make You Cry
by Sana -June 11, 2014
The words reverberated through my brain. Why..? Am I not
good enough..? Never! I will never accept a second wife! If
you want a second wife you can go out and get one as long
as you know that I will not be here when you come back..!!!
Those were my words to my husband a few years ago when
he mentioned to me that he is intending to marry again a
second time. It was a woman recently divorced, 4 children.
She is having a hard time, he said, she don’t know where
the next meal is coming from or how to provide adequately
for her children. “Where is their father..?” I asked, “Can’t he
take care of his own kids..? Why do you a strange man
have
to carry another man’s burden..? Surely there are other
ways
that you can help her out financially without having to
MARRY her!
I could not imagine myself in a plural marriage. Sharing my
husband with another woman. Sharing his love, his smiles,
his jokes with a woman other than myself. I could not
fathom
him holding her close and whispering loving words in her
ears. It was unacceptable. An outrage. After all I have been
to him. Wife, lover, mother, doctor, housekeeper. I raised 3
of his beautiful children. How can he insult me by marrying
another woman as if I am not good enough. Not pretty
enough. Not young enough or just plain not ENOUGH.!!!
NO..!!! I could not accept that and I vehemently made my
stance clear to him. If she walks in, I walk out! Plain and
simple. If he is willing to risk our marriage, our life, our
children for another woman, then he must go ahead. I will
not stand for it!
It all seems so many years ago now. When I thought that
life
would last forever and that nothing will ever change. But it
did..
My husband did not get married to a second wife. After all
my warnings and threats of leaving he abandoned the
idea. I
don’t know what happened to the women and children. My
guess is that they moved on to another town.
He never mentioned a second wife again and I was happy
with that. I managed to hang on to my husband but I didn’t
know that our time was running out.His last words to me
were that he had a headache and is
going to lie down till Esha. He never read Esha namaaz that
night, because he never woke up.
I was devastated by his sudden death. The man whom I
have spent my life with, snatched away from me in a
second.
I mourned him for a long, long time.
Neglecting my children and the business. Soon all went to
waste and we started losing everything one by one. First the
car then the shop, then the house.
We moved in with my brother and his family. My 3 children
and I crowded the house and my sister in law soon became
annoyed by our presence. I needed to get out, to work and
find a place of our own instead of living off the leftovers of
others. But I had no skill.When my husband was alive we
lived comfortably. I had no
need to go out and work or or equip myself with a skill. Life
was very difficult for me and my children and I wasn’t young
anymore. I missed him everyday with every beat of my
heart.
How could ones condition change so drastically..?
One day my brother told me that someone he knew is
looking for a wife. He was a good person, good akhlaq
(manners) and very pious. Perfect for me, but he wants me
to be his second wife.
It’s the second time in my life that the word second wife was
mentioned to me. But how different the circumstances.
He came to my brothers house to see me. There was an
immediate connection between us. I liked him and I liked
everything about him. He told me that his first wife knows
that he is intending to marry again but that she is obviously
not supportive of the idea and that he doesn’t know what
her
reaction will be when he tells her that he had found
someone. His answer he said, will be dependent on her
acceptance of Polygamy.
I started reading Istikhara that night. I so desperately
wanted
it to work out. I remembered so many years ago when the
life of another woman depended on my decision and what
my decision was. I felt contrite, I felt that because I did not
give another woman a chance, a space in my life, that Allah
will punish me this time around. I repented, not once in my
life did I think my action worthy of repentance because I had
done nothing wrong. I only protected what was mine.
Now that I am on the receiving end, I realized how wrong I
was in denying another woman this PRIVILEGE of a
husband.
I prayed that she will accept me.
He phoned me a few days later telling me that his wife is
having a hard time accepting it but that she is willing to
meet
me.
I was nervous the day of the meeting. I prayed a lot the day
before and asked Allah to help me. When I met her, she
was
a person, a woman like me . A woman who loves her
husband and fears losing him.
She took my hand and with tears in her eyes said: ” This is
very hard for me, but I hope that we can be sisters”..
Her words broke my heart. All I needed in these dark days
was a hand reaching out to me and embracing me, giving
me hope and the will to carry on.
His wife was to me, the woman that I could not be and I will
be forever grateful for that. I thought that no one could love
her husband the way I loved mine, but she taught me the
true meaning of unconditional love.
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